Tuesday, July 19, 2005

An elf wedding, part 3

I remember when I first found the entrance.

My beloved wife and I were hiking through the forest. We were on our first vacation together, resting from our gift-making and gift-giving duties.

I stopped under a tree to drink some water, when a bat flew by me. He disappeared into some vines.

“Did you see that?” I asked.

“What?” she said. She had been busy studying some plants to see if they might be a source of dye for the beautiful clothes she made.

“A bat. It flew into those vines.”

I approached the vines and moved them aside. There was a cave.

“I wonder how far it goes?” she said.

“Deep, I would imagine. Look here.”

I pointed to runes carved into the side of opening.

“Dwarves lived here. Knowing them, this cave could go throughout the mountain.”

The cave did indeed lead into hundreds of passages and chambers, dug in ages past by the dwarves before most of then disappeared.

We moved our wandering operations into the cave and lived there for many years. We were joined by the elves, most of whom moved North with us when the time came.

Now, here we were back.

“Did you want to look around first?” Elendil asked.

“If you don’t mind,” I said. “It’s been years.”

We spent the better part of an hour wandering form room to room. The doll assembly room. The train room. The stuffed animal room. The dress room. The scarf and cap room. The candy cane room.

Finally we arrived at the great dining hall. The dwarves had carved it out of the heart of the mountain, and had many feasts here. So did we and the elves.

The hall was brightly lit and already decorated for the wedding feast. But the tables were set – and piled high with chocolate creations.

“You have not forgotten you skills,” I said to Elendil, who had been the chief chocolate elf when we lived here.

“And I have not forgotten your sweet tooth,” he said with a grin.

We sat and ate. Chocolate cheese cake. Chocolate pudding. Double Dutch chocolate cake. Chocolate mousse.

In a place without magic, we would have gotten sick. But not in this special place.

Finally, I pushed my chair back, and looked at my watch.

“They should be getting near, if Eidin’s estimate is right. But, Elendil, you have outdone yourself.”

He smiled and led me to the radio room. There were several elves there waiting for us.

“Have you heard form them?” I asked.

“We last heard when they were just about to fly over southern France,” one of the elves replied. “Since then they have kept radio silence.”

I nodded.

But just at that moment, the radio squawked.

“Attention Bavarian center. We have an emergency,” the voice said.

I sat before the microphone and said,” This is Mr. C. State the nature of your emergency.”

We were using a code, just in case anyone did somehow pick up our signal. I was just Mr. C.

“That bear. No progress possible.”

That bear, was, of course, the North Polar Bear.

“Understood. I will arrive soon.”

Now, you may imagine that Santa is slow because of the way most people picture him – but if I were slow, how could I deliver so many gifts in one night?

I was in the stable, the team was hitched, and we were flying west before you could say Christmas pudding”

(Try it…Too slow!)

I knew from the elf radar that the fleet of blimps was had passed the German border.

Sure enough, I saw a massive bank of clouds near Stuttgart.

I carefully entered the clouds, no wanting to his one of the blimps.

The radio on my sleigh cackled. “Ten kilometers.”

They were telling me how far, without staying on long.

I approached their position and I saw…

The North Polar Bear hanging upside down held by a snow giant who was in turn dangling from a blimp held by his ankles b another snow giant!

I circled them. The giant had a look of relief on his face.

I went down by the bear.

His teeth were chattering. His eyes were wide with fear.

I got below him and yelled up, “Let go!”

The giant did, and the North Polar bear thumped into the sleigh.

I then made took some rope and circled the giant, wrapping it around his waist several times. I knotted it, then drew near his hand and held out some rope.

“Take it and hold tight,” I yelled.

He did. Then I said to the reindeer, ’Okay boys, we’ve got a load to lift. Slowly now.”

We rose, and slowly, the giant was pulled up. The other giant kept holding on to his ankles. At one point, the giant was horizontal, stretched between the other giant and the sleigh.
Then the other giant began to pull him back into the blimp.

The whole operation took several minutes, but then he was safely back on board.

The radio crackled. “Jets.”

That meant that we had been spotted somehow, and jets were nearing. Probably military one!

I rose to near the control window of the blimp and waved them on. Then I dropped to the bottom of the cloud.

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s give them something to follow.”

I dropped out of the cloud. Two German military jets were racing toward us.

“Strap yourself in,” I yelled to the bear. As soon as he did, I yelled to the reindeer, “All right boys. Half speed roll!”

We began spinning round and round in the air like a corkscrew, speeding toward the jets. Then we dove and turned south. I picked up the radio and began singing a German Christmas song! ,

“Rudolph, das kleine Rentier, Jeder bei den Lappen kennt, Denn seine rote NaseWeit und breit wie Feuer brennt,” I belted out loud.

The jets followed me.

I turn and headed for France.

The jets stayed with me. Far in the distance, the great cloud bank drifted east to safety.

Just as we reached the French border, I turned again to stay over Germany. The Jest followed. I continued singing.

“Und alle Tiere lachen, Seht nur seine Nase an. Rudolph ist so verzweifelt, Weil er nichts ändern kann.”

When I was sure the blimps were long gone, I pulled out of the spin, and slowed down. The jets approached.

I could see the pilot of one staring at me. I waved. Then called out,” Up and away lads.”

We rose high into the air, leaving the jets far behind.

“I wonder how they will explain this one,” I laughed.

I don’t know how many UFO sightings were really me!

In the blink of an eye, we were back at the mountain. It was shrouded in the cloud. I knew that the hanger door had been opened wide to let the blimps in.

We entered. The blimps had already landed, and thousands of elves, giants, and other were getting out.

Eidin ran up to me.

What happened?” I asked, looking at the bear, who was sitting in the sleigh with his head hanging down.

“When we got over Germany,” he squeaked,” we passed over a sausage factory. The bear went to a window and sniffed. Then he leaned out the window and sniffed some more. Then suddenly he disappeared. Olgal, the snow giant, was near and reached out at the last minute and caught the bear. But then he started to slip, too, so Ardwag grabbed his ankles.”

I looked at the North Pole Bear. “Sausages? When a feast awaited?”

The bear lowered his head even further.

I looked back at the blimps and spotted Olga and Ordway. I walked over to them.

“I thank both of you.”

They blushed. Snow giants never do like a fuss – unless it involved fighting!

Not long after, we were all seated in the great hall, enjoying a feast. There were all kinds of foods – including sausages.

The North Polar Bear quickly passed on any sausages that came his way.

(Tomorrow, the wedding.)


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